How Mamahood Has Shaped Me… {Mother’s Day Part 1}

Besides the obvious wider hips & thighs and crying-for-lipo mid-section, becoming a mother has shaped the person I have always been into the person I have wanted to be. I can honestly say that being a mom is what has forced me to be happy with me. Fifteen years ago, I would have laughed in your face if you told me I would one day write “I am happy being me.” And yet, here I am, giddy as a clam, and I strongly believe I owe the majority of this faith, this confidence – this whatever you want to call this peaceful feeling of being present within myself – to becoming a mom.

When I gave birth six years ago this month to my first child, my beautiful, sweet sweet son, my world exploded with goodness and forced honesty that rocked my world. I am still blown away by motherhood’s impact. I was thrown a mirror with all of my faults and it’s there in the form of my two little kidlets everyday, staring back at me, saying THIS IS YOU: ACCEPT IT, CHANGE IT, OR LOVE IT, but you’ve gotta do something because we’re watching. Carefully. Instead of beating myself up over those faults, as a mom I have the incentive to work on them, to try and try again. To fail. A LOT. And try and try again. Motherhood has taught me that in life, Do Overs in some form or fashion are possible, and just as there are critics out there who love to jump at any chance to tear me down, I will always have at least two sweet cheerleaders who not only smile and encourage me but push me to do and be better.

It’s not necessarily that becoming a mother has made me a better person – it’s helped me be ok with who I am and who I have always been. More than anything, I want my kids to grow up as positive, optimistic, caring kids (and those who know my involvement with the Fishful Thinking program know how important this is to me). I don’t care much about what they do for a living, what religion they choose to believe, or what political party they decide to align themselves with so much as I want them to love themselves. I want them to have the confidence or at least the self-awareness that is required to learn to love others fully, to learn to live their lives fully. They need to love themselves to do those things. I want them to see that I’m incredibly happy being so very imperfect. That I don’t ever expect them to be perfect, but just plain ol’ happy. That they are so wonderful in their own individual personalities and that their personalities are and will always be growing, taking new shape, never stuck. They never have to choose between one persona or another, they simply have to BE and I will love them always as is, as they have miraculously loved me.

In order for my kids to see this, I had to see it and I now have to emulate it. In being forced to walk the walk, motherhood has simply made me accept happiness in every moment of being myself, however uncomfortable, sad, painful, or embarrassing.

Every Mother’s Day, I thank my children for bestowing the great gift of being ok with the mama that I am. And for that, I intend to give every bit of myself – however imperfect & flawed & broken – to them every second of every day for the rest of my life.

Happy Mother’s Day, mamas! Cheers to all of the moms out there for all you are and all you do.

Tags: happiness, imperfect, Mother's Day, not funny ha-ha, optimism, self-love